Old school leaders would say this makes me weak—they're wrong

Tonight I was inspired to change my newsletter topic last minute. My inspiration?

A stuffed animal.

When my son was born, my wife bought numerous cute yet chic stuffed animals for him. None of them took. He’d sleep with them or play with them for a while, then they’d end up in a corner of the room, congregating with other fallen fluffies.

Then my mom bought him a Pluto, Mickey’s four legged pal, and ever since, Pluto has been by my boy’s side when he goes to bed.

At this point I think it’s more a habit than any adoration for the character Pluto. But it all started with a bond to a character he loved. Tonight as I put my youngest daughter to bed, I realized she too had taken to a Disney character. She can’t sleep without her Belle, the heroin from Beauty and the Beast. My nephew gravitated to Buzz Lightyear.

Kids bond to characters in their favorite shows or stories. It’s the same adoration that made Mickey Mouse the international symbol for joy. Mickey has evolved over the last century, but that honest, brave and slightly rebellious mouse resonates.

In addition to the cotton filling, there’s a lesson inside of these stuffed heroes.

I met with the GoWild Board of Directors this morning. Our board member Bruce Lunsford was talking about the challenges we’ve overcome as a company, and he said something profound (which happens at least once every time you speak with Bruce).

“You guys have worked your tails off to get to this point. You have a great team who you not only like, you’re friends with them. They’ve been through this fight with you. You could rush and try to sell this thing, like so many entrepreneurs do. But I think you’re just getting warmed up and we have a lot of work to do. And it’s going to be fun.”

I’m paraphrasing for Bruce, but I found this to be inspiring and perceptive. We love what we do, and part of that is because we love the people we get to do it with.

I generally have a rule against hiring friends—if I hire someone, I have to be willing to fire them and that’s a position I don’t want to put myself in.

But I still lead with my heart.

I’m open, honest and transparent (sometimes too much so). I think treating my team with this mutual respect is part of why I have become friends with so many of them. Many old school leaders would say that makes me weak, and they’d say I shouldn’t be close with the team so I can keep perspective and be objective. Maybe there is something to that, but I believe that by being myself with my team, I’m building a relationship.

And it’s not unlike my kids’ bonds with their stuffies.

No mo faux

People generally follow a leader—whether it’s a political movement or workplace leader—because they believe in them and trust them. It’s hard to build trust when people think leaders constantly spoon feeding propaganda and holding back. I may be wrong, but in my career, I’ve found I trust people who share more openly and can be themselves around me.

Those are the people I’d follow into battle.

On the flipside, I can see that my approach of being open with my emotions and beliefs has given me a team that is always ready to step into battle with me.

There are always facets of the business you hold back as a leader. If you’re the leader at a startup that’s getting tight on runway, you don’t need to put that fact in your team’s face. They can’t fix it, and it’s only going to distract them from moving the needle. If you’re a leader in a giant corporation battling political headwinds, you have to try and avoid complaining down. While creating some short term bonds, it will put cracks in the foundation of morale.

I’m not saying you have to share everything all the time, but I do strongly believe that leaders who are themselves are simply more likable, and therefore build stronger teams. Early in my career as a leader, I struggled to find myself because I thought I needed to be something I wasn’t. After trying variations of iron fists, excessively confident, charismatic presenter, or whatever faux persona you can think of, I’ve found that the best results just come from being myself.

I think this approach disarms people, and helps everyone drop their guard a bit. People speak more freely, worry less about staying in between lines, fret less about being politically correct when delivering bad news, and generally, are able to just focus on the challenges on the table. No one is spinning their wheels trying to figure out “the angle.” They’re working on the task at hand, with people they trust.

Be yourself if you want your team to do the same

Just as children bond to characters they love, your team will bond with you if you are someone they can trust. The best way to achieve trust is to avoid putting up the facade so many leaders build. Presenting some faux polished version of yourself takes away your humanity. Working with someone like this feels like staying at a hotel vs. a friend’s house. One is merely a means to an end, the other opens up meaningful engagement, laughter, a warm pot of coffee ready for you in the morning, a place to kick off your shoes and relax, and a sense of home away from home.

Think about your own leadership style. Are you pretending to be something you’re not? Or are you possibly building a character no one is going to resonate with?

Don’t forget the value of being yourself. It’s the only way to build true loyalty.

Who I’m listening to: Jamie Lin Wilson

What I’m reading: “The Guide” by Peter Heller

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